I'm Workin' for Tips Tonight... 'Cept for You, Pretty Lady...

It's official.... I have birthed a womanizer. And a schmoozer. And I love every bit of him! He has been a charmer since the word go, and I have known that one day he would run for public office since he was two when he would walk up to everyone in the Huddle House on Saturday mornings, shaking hands and saying, "Mornin'. I'm Tywer Thomsamanm Jones." (He added the "Jones" because that's my sister's married name and he loves her so and truly believed he belonged to her ~ or wanted to for a long time.... go figure. She always said he wasn't in trouble when he was, or he shouldn't get a spanking when he should, or he needed a toy when he didn't... you get the picture. But that's what aunts do for nephews who are like Tylers and Sams and Jacks and Zachs and so forth....) But back to the story ~

At my mother's recent nuptials, Tyler was a bit distraught because he was not quite old enough as the "big boys" to drive a golf cart and escort the guests to the reception from their vehicles to my mother's house. As a result, my mother wanted to be sure he had a "special job" that was of his choosing. If you look at the pictures I posted on FaceBook (yes, April, the 37 pictures of RAISING THE TENT ~ Ha!), you will see the intense conversation they had in the driveway about just this responsibility. According to my mother, the conversation went something like this.


Nana: Tyler, I want you to have a very, very special job. I know you are hurt because you are not able to drive a golf cart. So tell me, if you could pick a job, any job, to have at Mr. Don's and my reception, what would it be.

Tyler: What kinds of jobs are there? Nothing fun... just things for girls and babies. (Kicks gravel here).

Nana: Well, I will need someone to help guide people back to the golf carts when they are ready to leave. And I will need someone to stand at the front door to open it for people who want to go in the house and direct them to where the bathrooms and other things are. And I would like to have someone under the tent where the food and band are going to be to tell people where the food is and where they can sit....

Tyler: Hey, I think I would like to be under that big tent. You mean that one they're putting up over there. Would I be like a waiter or something? I've always wanted to be a waiter. Yeah, yeah. I'll do that. (Big grin... happy face...)

So, the night of the wedding comes, and we don our best for the ceremony, Tyler looking quite dapper in his khakis, white button down, navy blazer, red and blue tie, and weejuns. And if you could have seen Zach in his seersucker suit, pink striped tie and weejuns (and you had known my Daddy), you would have just been taken back in time to an era of Teen Town, early curfews, and asking permission for a date. I was so proud of my boys.... sigh... but I digress again... please excuse me. Back to the story at hand. Because it is classic!

And once we arrive at Mama's house, Tyler immediately beelines for Al, the "RINGMASTER" extraordinaire of the reception. He is the one who has orchestrated the entire event ~ flowers, tents, chairs, tables, band, dancefloor, dj/band/singers, caterer, bartender, cleanup crew, behind the scenes people, etc. ~ and he is underneath the tent. According to Al, the conversation goes something like this:

Tyler: Hey, I'm Tyler [and he sticks out his hand and shakes Al's hand] and I'm supposed to be helping under the tent. Nana's my grandmother and Mr. Don, he's my new grandaddy... not my D-Doc, but his grandkids call him D-Dah, kinda like D-Doc. I've always wanted to be a waiter and my Nana said I can't drive a golf cart 'cause I'm too young. So here I am. I like the ladies. In fact, I think I might want to sing with the band some, too. That girl singer, she's kinda hot. I've written a few songs. I keep them in a folder with a title on it called "Tyler's Songs." I've got one and it's a ballad. Maybe I'll sing it tonight. But, what do you want me to do.

Al: Well, Tyler, it's nice to meet you. Your songs sound neat, and I'd love to hear them sometime. You are pretty interesting. I tell you what. I need you to tell people, when they come into the tent, that they can have a seat at these tables, that the food is at the back back there and they can go through the buffet, and if they need anything to drink, you will be glad to get it for them. How does that sound?

Tyler: Oh, that sounds just like something I can do... yes, sir! I think I'll like that.


I have to stop here and and say that the reception started at 5:30 and Tyler is what my former high school science teacher used to refer to as a "gadfly." For those of you unfamiliar with the term, that is a fly that continually stings and bothers you until you go insane. Hera, in Greek mythology, sent one to harass Europa, one of Zeus' lovers. At any event that is not centered around him, Tyler, normally, will be continually asking what time it is, what is happening next, when we are leaving, is anything fun about to happen, is there anything for him, .... you get the picture. Well, I have to tell you, I did not see Tyler Thompson once we arrived at the reception and I changed him out of his coat, button-down, and tie into a golf shirt to keep him cool in the humid July heat.

About an hour and a half into the reception, Kerry (my boyfriend) and I happened to see Tyler carrying four drinks against his chest with one arm, two bottles of water in his pockets, and a drink in his hand leaving the bar and bee-lining for a table under the tent, a determined look on his face. I tried to stop him to see how he was doing, and he said, "Not now, Mom. I've got to take care of this table and I have another one over there that all need drinks. I'm working here. And I'm making tips. Excuse me, please."

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!

Wait. Perhaps I should tell you.... he's 8. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. EIGHT YEARS OLD. Sigh.

Okay. My brother in law Walter comes to me about an hour later almost hyperventilating. He had just come from the bar where the following had taken place:

Tyler had sidled up to the side (there was a huge line at the front of the bar) and placed his hand on the bar. Quietly, the female bartender walked over to him, and without missing a beat, he said, "I need a scotch and soda, straight up." She fixed it for him and off he walked, pretty as you please, to deliver it to one of the guests and collect his tip. Walter said it was priceless.


Well, the next scene I overheard, and it took the cake. I happened to be sitting down finally (at about 9:00 ~ and Tyler had been working all this time, mind you....) and Tyler was "tending" to the table behind me. He walked up to the family sitting there ~ a young couple with a wife who was pregnant and just beginning to show, and obviously her parents and her husband's parents as well. He greeted them with the following:

"Evening folks. Hope y'all are having a great time tonight. The food's in the back of the tent ~ and I hear the crab cakes are delicious. But I'm a chicken finger man, myself. And I can tell ya, those are quite tasty. Now, I'll be glad to get you whatever you need to drink, and I am working for tips tonight [and at this point he has sidled up to the young pregnant girl], but for you, Pretty Lady..."

At this, the entire table erupts with laughter, including Tyler, and the husband, the girl's father, and father-in-law all get out their wallets as they place their drink orders.

Suffice it to say, Tyler has fans galore and is now certain he wants to wait tables for a living. I say his career in politics just took off....

Pray for me!

Queen B